Tour Guide: Stuff I know, That You Don’t.
July 23, 2012 § 4 Comments
1. The safety briefing I give you at the beginning of our session is for YOUR safety. I know how to ride. I know where we’re going. You don’t. Listen to me.
Horses are large, powerful, and fast animals. The 10 minutes I spend at the beginning of a ride is my way to quickly acclimate you to riding a horse. It does not mean I have every answer, nor can I control their behavior. If you’d like to ride a machine, we have ATV tours just down the way…bringing me to:
2. We ride to the lowest level of experience: Which 100% of the time is zero. It is well documented as you signed up, signed your release, and were briefed that this is a walking only tour. If your dream is to gallop across the pastures chasing cattle–then you should locate a dude ranch where you can pay people who then put you to work for them. It’s genius, really.
If nose to tail riding isn’t your thing. Don’t go. It’s what we’re going to do. Granted, a lot of you can’t even manage that as your horse is walking around in the weeds, on top of the horse in front of you, or you’re yanking their nose to the left when you mean right. Also: your boarded horse that you only ride in arena isn’t this horse. I don’t care how many years experience you have riding. This is my tour, my horse, and my job is to keep you–and everyone else on tour safe. Period.
3. You paid a good sum of money for this experience. My job is to keep you safe, tell you stories, correct annoying horse behaviors, give you a mini-riding lesson, take your picture, pick up your sunglasses, adjust your stirrups on the trail, find out where you are from, make sure my horses are sound, watch for unexpected dangers on the trail, take the safest route possible, and anticipate anything and everything that can happen.
Multiply this by the number of people on tour.
4. I can correct your riding, horse behavior, your tack, and to degrees: your ability and comfort.
I cannot alter the weather. I cannot change your attitude. If you’re having a bad day–I hope by the end of the ride you aren’t anymore. If you’re dead set on having a bad time–you probably will.
5. MY horse is perfectly behaved, and if I’d just let guests ride it–they would have a lot better ride.
No. MY horse is a young, green horse that isn’t suitable or safe for people without experience. MY horse is a little shit that would get a lot of you hurt. MY horse will eat, bite, fight, and do overall HorseBattle™ with anyone and everyone. If I let him. MY horse is ridden by me because I can control it, correct it, and train it to be YOUR horse. YOUR horse is trained to do a job, and they do it well. They are sensible, sure-footed, and not prone to doing any of the aforementioned that MY horse has a propensity for.
6. The instructions you are giving me aren’t working. My horse still won’t do _________.
You’re doing it wrong.